23 September 2010

sick.

You know, I think it's pretty cruel to go from nausea one day (causing an inability to eat) to indigestion the next. If I have to throw up the half piece of toast I ate this morning, I'm going to be pretty pissed. Bleh!

14 September 2010

I am so mad right now I don't know what to do with myself.

04 September 2010

Housewifery bizness.

Well, hello, blog-o-sphere. It's nice to be reacquainted with you. Can you imagine, I'm married now? I can hardly believe it myself. On August 7th, Ben and I stood on stage at Southwest Church in Jonesboro, and we said our vows in front of an audience of family and friends. Everyone said the ceremony was lovely. I don't remember much of it beyond the look in Ben's eyes and feeling very nervous. :)

We went to Chicago for our honeymoon, which was lots of fun. We stayed at the Rapphaello hotel right next to the John Hancock building, and we pretty much just did whatever we wanted for a week. It was nice.

Now, we are living in Maumelle. The apartment is a mess, which is partially my fault. I can't "nest" yet, knowing that we are going to be moving to Conway relatively soon. We've been having trouble finding a place in Conway this close to the start of the school year, particularly some place that allows pets, but doesn't require de-clawing cats. Narrows it down to, like, three complexes. As of last week no one had any openings for a one bedroom, but I just got an e-mail from the first place we had looked at, and they have something open NOW. I've got to talk to Ben about it when he gets up, because this may be our best chance since our lease is up in October.

Being a wife is fun. I've cooked several times, at least twice a week, which is definitely an improvement for me, and we eat leftovers when we can. We're trying to cut corners and save money wherever possible.

The only real stressors we have at the moment (aside from where we're going to be living) are our job situations. Neither of us are particularly happy about our current jobs, but neither of us can really leave these jobs without something else lined up. For me, I would love to do make-up for a living RIGHT NOW, but I can't. The only projects I've been getting this summer have been volunteer jobs, and that status doesn't seem to be lifting any time soon. I've toyed with the idea of applying to Sephora, which would be a step-up from slinging coffee and being emotionally abused 8 hours a day, but if we're moving to Conway, that'd mean commuting. Not the end of the world, but it would be a setback.

Ben's job is even worse, and he comes home from work frustrated and exhausted. We are surviving his overnight schedule, but to be absolutely frank, it SUCKS. We don't get to spend much time with each other outside of napping during the middle of the day together when I get off work or the brief moments before he has to leave for his job. This can occasionally rub either of us raw, causing us to be short with one another about little things. We're both frustrated with the situation... but are continually reminding ourselves that the situation is only temporary. God willing, he should be out of that bracket next spring.

As for make-up school plans, I wouldn't necessarily say they're on hold, but they're definitely not happening any time soon. I know Shauna entreated me during one of our last meetings to refuse any sort of delay, but it just can't be helped. Ben is stressing out because he wants to make my dreams happen (ahhh, but I love him), and he doesn't want to put any kinks into it by altering our financial situation if he quits. This puts me in an uncomfortable spot by making me feel that it's my own selfish desires that keeps him in his miserable job. The paranoid newlywed in me is worried that this may come up later to bite me. :/

Nevertheless, we are supporting one another emotionally, and we constantly remind ourselves that no matter what happens, we have each other. We will get to where we want to go somehow-- it just may not be in the manner we had planned.

Above all, we are abundantly blessed, and it's good to be alive and to be together.

Over and out,

Rebekah Suzanne Howard

p.s. If any of you want to see the proofs from the wedding, you can view them on my cousin's website, http://www.lorisparkman.instaproofs.com, and click on "Bekah and Ben: Wedding!".

05 June 2010

mundane sounds.

Living alone has had its blessings and its... un-blessings... It's been nice to have my own space, to be able to go about my life as I want to (with the exception of work, haha) and to take care of my own place. On the downside, it's incredibly lonely. Sometimes I don't get any work done at all because I'm just not motivated to be active. It's not necessarily a state of depression... just a state of indifference. I don't like that part much. I don't like the silence.

Work has been going all right, even though we've had a lot of personnel changes over the past several months. I am now an official shift supervisor, which pretty much means that I have authority but am accountable for a lot more.

Wedding planning at times seems very accelerated, at others in slow motion. Got the florist taken care of this week, and my veil and dress are all in order. The next couple of weeks are dedicated to invitations, and my wedding shower is on the 13th of June at Southwest Church in Jonesboro (for any of you people in the area :) ).

Feeling a little scatterbrained, but I hadn't posted in a while, so here you go.

Beks

03 May 2010

finals

It's so stupidly difficult to stay motivated and study for a final you just don't care about.

Sigh.

Also, Julie and I STILL need a reality television show. If only we could go back in time to take care of that from the beginning.

Right now, watching some weird Johnny Depp movie on AMC and trying to focus on Russian psychology.

Blech.

20 April 2010

So long, UCA! A farewell to four years.

Wow. It's difficult to believe that in less than three weeks, I and my best friends will be graduating. As I look through Facebook pictures posted since coming to UCA, I'm blown away by how much I have grown.

When I started at UCA, I was a bit of an awkward girl who was uncomfortable with her weight and who wanted desperately to belong. Though I was in band, the band community in university turned out to be more focused on marching band, something I was no longer part of beyond high school... and since I didn't want to join a sorority (even the band sorority), I was left to find another community to support me.

It was my great luck that I started in the Honors College as a freshman. Living in New Hall, I lived right across from someone who would become a very dear friend-- Joe Birdsong. We fought amiably, and we soon formed close friendships with three other girls: Julie Storing, Laina Gaddis, and Alycia Seefeld. Before the semester's end, we had dubbed ourselves the BFFS4E (BFFs forever). Aside from a fight or two, we were inseparable.

I made some stupid dating mistakes over the years... dated the wrong people, held on to the wrong guys, and broke a few hearts. Joe summed it up in our sophomore year in a comment that had hurt me at the time, but now I agree with: "You're pickier about your cheese dip than you are about who you date."

Yeah.

My first two years here at UCA, I guess I would consider myself as rather mediocre. I was good at many things, but never great. I was never the BEST at oboe, as I had been in high school. I got good grades, but I didn't love my major.

After a break-up in my sophomore year, I decided to go on a strict diet. I WeightWatchers-ed myself down 40 pounds, skinnier than I had been since junior high school. Suddenly my wardrobe of t-shirts and jeans expanded to blouses, skirts, and better-fitting clothes. I took more interest in my appearance.

That summer I traveled to Ireland, a trip that ended up being life-altering in many ways. I met two of my best friends on that trip, Flora Bailey and Laura Berbusse. Laura and I had made plans, before we even knew each other very well, to go alone to a Leonard Cohen/Damien Rice concert in Dublin. We faced adversity from the teacher sponsoring the trip, but we ended up flying together in a rickety plane to Dublin, navigating our own way through the crowded streets to a quaint bed and breakfast, getting lost once or twice and running all the way to the concert across town. We ate and drank at our leisure and spent those few glorious days as girls in magical Ireland with hardly a care in the world.

Flora, Laura, and I bashed around Ireland like sisters, and now they are both bridesmaids in my wedding. <3.

That year, I also found my true calling-- as a make-up artist. I'd finally found something I could be great at, and I even started to get paid for it.

My junior year was very momentous. I briefly dated a guy, thought I loved him, and got my heart broken when I belated realized he wasn't really that into me. Even after I broke up with him, I mourned him for months. He was someone that I thought I wanted. I made the mistake having a short rebound that only seemed to make me feel worse... until I met Ben.

Benjamin Howard and I started talking on OkCupid as friends, sparked by his amusement at my use of the word "snarky" in my profile. We had a lot in common, and so we became fast friends. We had both been hurt in the past, and at that point I found myself unwilling to look for anything more than friendship. I had had my fill of Arkansas boys who couldn't look past themselves. Besides, I wanted to get out of the state. Whether to make-up school, the Peace Corps, or getting a government job overseas, I knew that I wanted to get out, and making promises to someone here would be a mistake.

He told me he would follow me anywhere. Even Africa, if that's where I ended up.

Slowly, he wore me down with charming persistence, as I like to call it. :) He treated me kindly and was honest with me, and he accepted me as I was. We started dating, and soon we both knew that we didn't want anyone else. We were content.

Senior year. A lot has happened this year, too. I started work on my gore make-up thesis. I booked several jobs working on movie sets. I've begun to make a name for myself here. Now, I go into other classes on campus, mention my thesis, and people know my name and my work. People I've never met in Little Rock know of me and my projects.

Last semester was rough. I started working at Starbucks over the summer, and didn't quit when school started up again. My schedule was insane, and I hardly had time for anything outside of school and work. I had to schedule time with Ben and my friends.

My friends had a falling out. Living in an apartment this year has had many good points, but Laina and Ashley (who had been living with us since our junior year) couldn't get along as roommates, and Laina kind of pushed Ashley out. Circumstances being what they were, Julie and I maintained our friendship with Ashley, but our relationship with Laina suffered seriously. Our former best friend hardly speaks to us anymore. That's just the state of things...

Ben proposed to me on my birthday at Something Brewing. What a special night! (And quite a shock to everyone, especially my family). They've been coming around, if slowly, and once school is out I can't wait to continue the wedding planning. The wedding is in August.

This semester has been much better. My schedule is not as hectic, but still full. I got to work on a great movie in Little Rock with some people from UCLA, Seattle, and Arkansas. I've had four photoshoots for my gore thesis.

I have grown into myself.

So despite the many huge and at times excruciating changes... I think it's all been for the best. I like who I am now. I no longer feel mediocre... I have a dream to pursue, a fiancé who loves me and supports my dreams, and good, good friends.



This summer, I am renting my oboe professor's house while she is traveling out of state. I am going to continue working at Starbucks and doing make-up on the side, hopefully branching out into fashion and beauty make-up on top of the SFX and gore. And after the wedding in August, well... we're just going to keep living, working, and striving toward our dreams.

22 February 2010

developments!

So, my last post was pretty despairing. Feeling better now, though. I got my motivation back, and now everything is going by quicker than I could have imagined.

There are quite a few professional developments!

--Went to the first Filmmakers Forum last week and made a lot of contacts.
--Secured a job doing a Little Rock DJ's make-up for a promo video.
--I am on IMDB!
--I'm now committed to two movies for next month.
--My first thesis photo shoot is this Sunday, the 28th!
--I am volunteering as a SFX make-up artist for the UCA Active Shooter Exercise next month.

I'm finally starting to feel like a professional. It's a nice feeling... things are falling into place, and I can't wait to finish my thesis portfolio and throw myself head-on into make-up after graduation.

:) kbai.

18 February 2010

Life, last semester, and this whole being a successful individual thing...

Recently it's been feeling a little like claustrophobia.
There's too much that's falling apart in my hands, too much ill that I'm seeing.
Too much I'm just not motivated to do, too much I refuse to do on principles I can't even explain properly.
Too much anger, too much hurt kept silent.
Too much I can't do to help other people.
Sometimes I feel like a failure, like I can't get myself out of this rut I've dug.

I'm an emo mess sometimes, bear with me.
It'll be better tomorrow.

02 February 2010

maiwage.

Just wanted to say that we set the date. :)
7 August 2010.
♥.

20 January 2010

LAST semester.

This semester is one of endings.

My last semester at UCA.
My last time to live with Julie.
My last time to play oboe on a regular basis.
My last time to GET money from school.
My last time to see a lot of people.

It's a good time of endings, but sad, too.


Semester's started out well, aside from the little hiccup that was me ripping a few ribs from my spinal column (yeah, what was up with that?). I'm balancing work and school a WHOOOOLE lot better, which means I can spend more time (a) sleeping, (b) with friends, and (c) working on thesis. I feel so behind on thesis, it's ridiculous. But when I consider how little some other people have done, maybe it's not so terrible, after all. I just know that these last few months are going to go by ridiculously quickly.

I have more to say, but I'd much rather grab some yummy foods and catch up on some trashy tv before work. Catch yous guys lata!

Beks