21 January 2009

keep it cool.

Two days of official classes gone by, and here's how things stand:

Honors Senior Seminar:  Issues in Global Economics and Environment
Well, I've got tentative hopes for this course.  I'm learning a lot already, and I'm enjoying getting a better grasp on economics (something I've had a hard time with in the past).  There's a lot of reading, though, and writing, too.  That's a little difficult, but not too daunting.  Yay for Honors.

Stage Makeup
HOMG THE COOLEST CLASS EVER.  For real.  75% of the grade is putting makeup on yourself.  At first I was a little wary, having already some decent experience with theatrical makeup, but I'm already learning new things.  Fabulous.  Plus, I have this class with Trace, and Trace is one of the grooviest people ever.  So yeah.

Cognitive Psychology
Not a really difficult course.  And thus not too much to say about it.  Wade's in both of my psych classes, so at least I have a friend.

Physiological Psychology
As this class is taken from the same teacher 10 minutes after Cognitive Psychology, we sometimes hear a lot of the same stuff in this class that we did the last one.  ...but that's not really a big deal.  The prof's very amiable, and he makes us laugh.  Again, probably not a very difficult course, so all's good.

Principles of Sociology
I really like my professor for this course.  He's got a very gentle, intelligent countenance.  Though a lot of the stuff we are looking at now I've already studied at least twice before, I think I'm going to enjoy this class anyway.

Symphonic Band
Ah, symphonic band.  ...What is there to say?  I got passive-aggressively scolded as I came in.  We're supposed to be there 5-10 minutes early to tune (as with any band class I've ever had), but I have class in across campus just beforehand, so I'm just going to have to book it from Irby to SFA on MWF.  Also not pleased about having to schedule sectionals every week, but HEY!  I'm not all that worried, nor do I care all that much.  I just like to play.  The literature we're reading right now is fun, though some parts are a bit difficult.  Overall, I like band.  S'normal.


Alycia and I have started to work out in the mornings on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays.  I love it already.  Oboe lessons start next week, though, and mine is at 9:30am on Wednesday, so I'm going to have to reorganize my workout schedule.

We're going bellydancing tonight, weeeeee!

More to come soon, including the ever-changing spring break and summer plans, and life changes.

Love,
Beks.

15 January 2009

forget about your house of cards.

Well, today was our first day of school for the spring semester of 2009.  My first semester as a senior.  A year from now, I will be starting my very last semester at UCA.  How's that for a crazy thought?

My classes today have been pretty fun.  I just had Honors (issues in global economics and environment or something like that) and Stage Makeup.  Stage Makeup is going to be the easiest and most fun class EVER, pretty sure.  Do makeup and get credit for it?  Seriously, now.  And there are some fun people in there, too (bff Trace!), so +5 to Tuesday/Thursday classes.  I really hope the teacher ends up thinking I'm a good person or whatever.  I seriously need a tutor for next semester...

I'm feeling a little flyaway these days.  My body is protesting something, haha.  Takes forever to get to sleep, dreaming a lot more than usual (about half nightmares), and lots of upset tummy days.  :(  I'm not really all that stressed anymore, now that my ticket got taken care of... so I don't know.

The second generation of social networking (as in, parents, teachers, relatives, friends of parents, old church members) has started to get under my skin.  Don't get me wrong, Facebook and Myspace are great tools for networking and keeping in touch with people, but seriously... when one has been on those websites for 5+ years and been able to keep some level of privacy, and then is thrown into experiencing new generation of web-social networkers who are wide-eyed and excited about the brand new perspective that social networking websites present to them... it's a little unnerving.

See... before, students like us were able to partition our lives better.  There are our online identities, branches of ourselves visible to friends (both in-real-life and net friends), but otherwise invisible to the outside world.  Now, though, it is almost impossible to keep those worlds divided without looking like a jerk.  Does that make sense?  Everyone is joining Facebook (and Myspace, though the recent boom has seemed to be Facebook).  Relatives.  Old home church members you see twice a year.  Friends of friends.  Teachers.  Everyone.  And these days it seems like I'm spending more time running interference trying to keep the boat from being rocked than actually connecting with friends.

I have over a thousand Facebook friends, so I look doubly a jerk when I decline someone's friend request.

You know what's also unnerving?
In our Strange Communities class last semester, we discussed how websites like Facebook define the way people look at you in real life... how we refer to content on those sites as a matter of fact.  And I understood that and supported it, because it's true -- since high school, I have referred to Facebook for real life information about real life people.  Discussions had on Facebook are carried on in real life.  

It was refreshing and somewhat relieving that certain parts of life were not part of that crossreferencing.  That one could go home, and be taken point-blank, as you were, without having to worry about the face you present to the online world.  Your mask.

Now, with everyone joining... there is no privacy.  No partitioning of one's life.  People who weren't making references to online versions of yourself are now doing so.  
Commenting on parts of yourself that are online.  
Changing the way you interact with them.  
'Checking out' friends virtually and making assumptions not previously held about those people based solely on the content of their profiles.
Calling a friend 'creepy' because something in his profile didn't agree with them.
It isn't fair.
It's at odds.
I don't like it.


Sorry... what a long blog of complaints this has been.  I'm just feeling weird because I had to decline someone's Facebook friend request twice because I honestly just didn't want to be FB friends with them.

Is that bad?

Sigh.

03 January 2009

hello.

Julie, this quote is for the two of us:

"The world bursts at the seams with people ready to tell you you're not good enough.  On occasion, some may be correct.  But do not do their work for them.  Seek any job; ask anyone out; pursue any goal.  Don't take it personally when they say 'no' -- they may not be smart enough to say 'yes'."
--Keith Olbermann

Happy New Year 2009, world.
I rang in the new year like a wuss.  Had a mental/emotional breakdown about an hour before midnight, and I was asleep whenever my 12am alarm went off.  Yeah.  I know I'm lame.  Shut up.

I really just have one resolution this year, mostly because I normally don't do resolutions.  But I figured I might as well try to get over someone I've been unhealthily pining over for months... I got through a lot of the process on Christmas Eve.  Deleted him from websites, blocked and deleted on messengers, the lot.  I didn't delete old emails and messages until today.  That was hard, but... it needed to be done.  More so when I found out he had a girlfriend today.  That was a bit of a blow to the gut... twist the knife, will you?  Yeah, and then rip it out, haha.  I'm reminded of that knife in the 1994 Jungle Book, you know?

Capt. Boone (Cary Elwes): [holding up the knife] This is a personal favorite of mine.  You thrust it into your opponent's belly like that, see?  And then you twist it a little and rip out his stomach.
Mowgli:  And then do you eat him?
Capt. Boone:  No, of course not.
Mowgli:  Does he want to eat you?
Capt. Boone:  Why, no.
Mowgli:  Then why kill him?
Capt. Boone:  Because he's your enemy.
Mowgli:  What is enemy?
Capt. Boone:  Someone you hate.
Mowgli:  What is hate?

I tell myself it's for the best, that we were never really all that good for each other, but it's tough.  and I won't try to fool myself into thinking it shouldn't be.  As Julie says, though... he doesn't matter.  And in the end, he doesn't.  Really, he doesn't.

So here's to a new year full of its own beauty, pain, stupid mistakes, successes, and failures.  Julie has feelings that a lot of things are going to change this year, and I think it's possible-- even probable.  I just hope some of them will be good changes.

Had a bit of a run-in with the police on New Years -- might explain that later.  But before I go back to school I have to go to court to appeal a ticket I shouldn't have gotten.  Yuck.

Planning on going back on Weight Watchers soon, just because.  It'd be cool to lose maybe another 30 pounds before summer, but I'm not making myself any big promises yet.  I have to see how stressful this semester will be first.

Joe, we all miss you.  :(  Hopefully see you soon.

Love you guys.  Hope your breaks are going swimmingly.