13 November 2009

Friday the 13th, and today's going to be a really tough one. Well, really the whole weekend will be. I'm dealing with shocked family, upset family, worried family... I get the feeling that I'll be treated like a petulant child more than once. Part of me is very glad that I'll be working much of the time.

I don't know. I'm worried, too. I feel like I've been suffocating all morning... well, since last night. Because I don't know what I'm going to say. I've never been good with conflict. We all know that I clam up, I get quiet, I cry because I beat myself up when people get unhappy with me... I love Ben, and I guess the little girl in me hoped that my family would be excited, too. But all the negativity coming from them, it's making me uncomfortable with myself and with all this. I'm young, yes, but I'm an adult, too. And I'd like to make my own decisions without being ragged on for being careless or immature.

Maybe it's immature of me that I care so much what my family thinks about all this... but really, I feel like I'm being reasonable. No, Ben and I have not been dating for very long ("at my age?"), but we've known for a while now that there's no one else for us. No, I did not tell everyone that we were this serious. Sorry about that. I didn't know I had to advertise it to the world...

...sorry. I'm a bit bitter right now.

Ugh.

I need a vacation, lol.

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